MrCat Foundation

在逛 Facebook 時看到吳俊源連到的一個社團，實在是很好笑，它那個會徽也很有禪意。既然五同學在說，順手就把它翻譯出來：

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=20464828739&ref=nf

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUDITOR WHEN... 你的確是查帳員，因為……

You can't leave home without a hole-punch and a week's supply of staples... even if you're just going to the supermarket.

你出門一定要帶打洞機跟整個禮拜所需的釘書針，即使只是要去超市。【後面有人說，還有便利貼。】

You make jokes about how boring it must be to be an actuary, but secretly you just wish you were earning that much money and would like to date one.

你會酸精算師的工作有多無聊，但其實很羨慕他們能賺那麼多，還暗自希望能跟精算師約會。

You have stayed in Premier Inns and Travelodges the length and breadth of the country... and you can talk for hours about their relative merits.

在全國各地的 Premier Inn 和 Travelodge（英國的連鎖商務旅館）都住過…而且你可以談各家的優點談好幾個小時。

Your favourite words in the whole wide world are "no further work proposed".

全世界你最愛的字眼是「不擬進一步查核」。【後面有人說應該是：「不重大，pass」。兩個我都愛 >"<】

You wake up on Monday mornings and wonder if this might be the week you actually discover a fraud.

你星期一醒來會想，這個禮拜你會不會真的揭發一樁舞弊。

You don't need to pay for a gym membership as you get a full work-out every day from lifting your case of files.

你不用上健身房；你每天把底稿搬來搬去就練夠了。

Hot-desking means that you get to your own office an hour before you start work so that you don't end up sitting on the floor.

Hot-desking（沒有固定位）表示你要在每天開始工作前一小時到辦公室，才不會落得最後得坐在地板上工作。

When random accountancy magazines arrive at your home you start flicking to the back to read who's been disciplined, but halfway through you can't help but be distracted by that *really* interesting article on share options.

收到會計月刊的時候，你開始往後翻看看這次又是哪個會計師被送懲戒了，但中途會忍不住被「真正」有趣的關於股票選擇權的文章所吸引。

You have on occasion cried because a balance sheet didn't balance.

有時候會因為資產負債表不平就哭了。

At some point in your life you have either been criticised or criticised someone else for stapling a page in the wrong corner, failing to underline a title, or hole-punching inconsistently.

你曾經要不是被人嫌就是嫌別人：釘書針釘在錯的角落、標題沒加底線，或是打洞沒打對齊。【我嫌過 >"< 因為別人打成四個洞……】

You become aggressive if a colleague tries to steal your tippex mouse.

有時同事偷拿你的修正帶會讓你口氣很衝。

You are intimately acquainted with the staff in the audit request department of RBS, but you've never managed to ring HSBC without being put through to a robot who doesn't speak very good English.

你跟蘇格蘭銀行的財會部門員工熟到不行，卻始終沒辦法不透過怪腔怪調的總機語音找到匯豐銀行的人。【我打去匯豐汽車也是得跟總機語音唸出我要找的叫「陳美麗」orz…】

You have no idea whether you're issuing the auditor's report or the auditors' report but the good news is you know your manager won't know either.

你不知道現在要出的是無保留意見還是修正式無保留意見；好消息是，你的經理也不知道。【原文是會計師單複數，中文裡無此問題。】

Your response to every question is, "How did we do it last year?"

你對每個問題的反應都是：「去年是怎麼做的？」

Lunch is that inconvenient fifteen minutes where you can only type with one hand because you're holding a sandwich in the other.

午餐是很不方便的十五分鐘：你只能一隻手打字，因為另一隻手在拿三明治。

You've got lost on every industrial estate within a twenty mile radius of your home.

你曾在離家方圓二十哩的每一個工業區裡迷過路。

You wonder why if you do the work of the tax department, you don't get paid their salary too.

你覺得為什麼你做了稅務部的事，卻沒有也拿他們的薪水。

When people at parties ask what you do for a living, you prefer to tell them you work in the financial services sector.

聚會時別人問你做什麼工作，你會告訴他們，你算是在金融服務業。

You don't think it seems futile to work your arse off for a week in order that a partner can issue a report, the outcome of which was already set in stone before you started.

你整個星期忙得焦頭爛額，以便會計師可以簽發一個在你開始作以前就寫定的查核報告，不過你倒不覺得沒有意義。

You spend Mondays trying to obtain the payroll file to find out what your client's FD is earning, and Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays moaning because he gets twice what you do and he's crap.

你花整個星期一拿到薪資檔，查出客戶的財務長賺多少，然後花整個星期二、星期三、星期四跟星期五哀嘆他賺得比你多一倍，而那傢伙根本什麼都不會。【 >"< 】

You have irreparably broken at least one client photocopier.

你搞壞過至少一臺客戶的影印機。

You wish your clients could be more imaginative with their year end dates, and then you might be able to go skiing in February.

你希望客戶的年底結帳日期能更有想像力一點，這樣說不定你二月就可以去滑雪。【這我倒是覺得不用了，大家一起上吧，這樣至少六月可以去做健康檢查。】

Nothing in your life is ever reasonable, it only *appears* so.

你生活中的事情沒有什麼是合理的，只是「看起來」合理。

There's one week every year you always try to book a training course, but your manager sees through it and makes you do the audit from hell anyway.

你每年都有一個星期想要排個時間去上個課學些東西，不過你的經理總是會看穿，然後排你去查帳。

Every time you are handed a piece of paper, you have to fight an uncontrollable urge to write the date and your initials at the top.

每次你拿到一張紙，就要努力克制，以免自己在上面簽名加註日期。

You know the collection of paper in your locker and the collection of files on your hard drive are breaking an ISA, but you've still not come to terms with the fact that you need to destroy them.

你知道在你櫃子裡堆的一堆紙、在你硬碟裡存的一堆檔案是違反某條審計規定，但是你沒辦法面對你必須銷毀它們的事實。

When your acquaintances make excuses about something, you won't believe them unless they can provide supporting documentation.

你的朋友說了一些理由沒辦法達成某事，不過你沒辦法採信，除非他們能提出證明文件。

You're totally anal about backing up after that one time you forgot and had to spend your evening recreating the revenue section from memory.

你對備份一事非常火，有一次你忘了備份，結果整晚在靠回憶重作營業收入段的底稿。

You don't generally achieve anything on Mondays except to establish where the toilets are and discover that reserves don't work.

一般而言星期一你沒完成什麼事，都花時間在知道廁所在哪裡，還有發現備份檔不能用。【此處 reserves 意義我不明白……不過星期一我通常還會搞清楚茶水間在哪。】

You're sure your firm has a Corporate Finance department, but you've never spoken to any of them and you don't know what they do.

你確定你的事務所有財管諮詢部門，不過從來沒有跟其中任何人說過話也不知道他們幹嘛的。

You periodically think about moving to industry, before remembering that you have no idea what management accountants do either.

你不時會想要跳槽到產業界去，然後才想起來你根本也不知道管理會計都在做什麼。

You thank your clients profusely for providing you with pieces of paper which they're paying you to ask them to provide.

你對客戶提供你文件表達萬分感謝，而那些文件是他們付你錢叫你要去跟他們要來的。

You repeatedly have to tell your friends that you don't spend the whole day adding things up. Only half the day, honestly.

你一再告訴你的朋友你不是整天都在把東西加起來。其實只有花半天。

You are accomplished at counting small, pointless pieces of metal or plastic without questioning what they are.

你有辦法去盤點一堆不重要的金屬或塑膠小東西而不去問那些是什麼東西。

You have perfected the art of smiling politely whilst people tell you things you don't understand and don't need to know.

你有高超技巧保持禮貌的微笑，聽完別人告訴你一些你不懂也不需要懂的事情。

You worry about getting a Vitamin D deficiency because you sometimes don't see daylight for weeks on end as your client has allocated you a desk in the windowless stationery cupboard.

你開始擔心罹患維他命D缺乏症，因為你有時好幾個星期沒有曬到太陽：客戶把你的查帳間安排在沒有窗戶的文具間。

Your idea of heaven is a place where all your clients use Sage Line 50.

你心目中的天堂是：所有的客戶都用 Sage Line 50 系統。【為什麼不是用 Oracle ERP？】

If you can identify with any of those comments, congratulations; you have one of the most exciting jobs in the world!

如果你發現自己認同以上的任一描述，恭喜！你做的是這世界上最令人興奮的工作之一！ 【嘩噢！I'm so excited...】